What a difference a year makes

Yesterday, I checked my blog stats. I found that there were a lot of hits on a post I wrote a little over a year ago titled, Oh The Places You'll Go. My assumption is that since it was Dr. Seuss' birthday yesterday, people were doing internet searches for his poems and stumbled across my post. I decided to click on that post and re-read it. I was startled to find what a difference a year makes.

When I wrote that post in January 2011, I was not thinking positively. I dwelled on the undertones of the negativity, bad luck, hardship and misfortune. My perception and interpretation of the famous Dr. Seuss poem was not at all what is was when I re-read it last night.

Instead, this time I felt like the poem was telling me that I can overcome hardship, choose to be well and happy and come out of this ok. Maybe I was just having a good moment. Or, maybe a year really did make a difference.

© 2012 by Jennifer M. Karn

Counting Time

I don't know exactly why, but I've been thinking a lot lately about the fourth anniversary of Kevin's death this coming August. It's six months away, but it keeps popping up in my head. I clearly remember when he first died how I'd counted the hours, days, weeks then months I had spent without him. I couldn't comprehend being without him for a year, let alone years. I'm in awe of everything that has happened since...

1. Kristin: cross country, prom, graduation, college, new job, 3 birthdays
2. Kellie: graduation, moved out, moved back home, tattoos, 4 birthdays
3. Zachary: confirmation, ring mass (both 8th grade and high school), eighth grade graduation, acceptance to Holy Name High School, girlfriends, 3 birthdays
4. Bradley: confirmation, ring mass (8th grade), acceptance to Holy Name High School, cross country MVP, basketball, 3 birthdays
5. Family vacations, babies born, weddings, friendships lost, friendships gained, friendships renewed, his father's 80th birthday, deaths, clam bakes, holidays, milestones, our 20th wedding anniversary...

all without him. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This wasn't how it was supposed to end. He only lived to be 40. We were supposed to retire and travel. Grow old together. Watch our children grow, graduate, move on, get married and have children of their own. He left us unexpectedly. It threw a huge curve ball into our lives and left us with an empty, sad feeling that will never go away.

I haven't counted in a while. I stopped thinking all the time about how many days had exactly passed since my life changed forever. But, for some reason, I've been counting again and four years is weighing on my mind and my heart.

It's been:

• 1287 days
• 3 years, 6 months, 8 days
• 111,196,800 seconds
• 1,853,280 minutes
• 30,888 hours
• 183 weeks

“Men have contrived instruments to measure the motion of time, but they have no scales to weigh, no figures to compute, no words to describe its value.”

~John Thornton

© 2012 by Jennifer M. Karn