Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

~William Shakespeare

Friday, February 4, 2011

Kevin's 43rd birthday, or what should've been

Today is Kevin's birthday. He was supposed to be 43. Instead, he forever remains 40. My heart is very heavy. I'm struggling. I miss him terribly. I never would've thought that instead of singing happy birthday and eating his favorite date nut cake we'd be crying and aching and longing for him. This is his third birthday that we haven't been able to celebrate with him. I'm still in shock. Tears fall quietly down my cheeks. My throat stings. I try to focus on the joyous event of his birth, but I can't help but fixate on the tragedy of his death.

He was a wonderful, loving person who made people smile. His deep voice and laugh permeated through the air. Never did he have a mean thing to say. It wasn't in his genes to be vicious or hateful. Everything about him screamed kindness, love, sincerity and thoughtfulness. I find it horribly cruel that such a man was torn from his family and cheated of his right to live. Cheated of his right to raise his children. Cheated of his right to continue to do good in this world of bad.

I will never understand why this happened and it will likely haunt me for the rest of my life, however long that may be. Life slowly gets a little easier each day and some days are simply easier than others. I have no idea if twenty years from now the pit will be gone from my stomach or if it will always linger in some fashion. Either way, I will love my amazing husband until I am laid to rest with him.

And rest I will not, until then.

Post from Kevin's 42nd birthday.

© 2011 by Jennifer M. Karn


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