Widow Crap

Some days I'm particularly tired of all this widow crap and today is definitely one of those days! I hate being a widow. I hate hearing about all the widow crap. I hate it, hate it, hate it!

Another widow this week. I hate that.

I sit in meetings at work with two other widows and I hate that I have this in common with them. I don't want to make friends because we are widows. I don't want to live my life as a widow. I hate being a damn widow!

I don't want to fly to San Diego just because I'm a widow. I don't want to run a widow's 5k. I don't want to hear about other women becoming widows. It's not fair. It sucks and I surely don't want others to go through this crap!

I don't want to be known as a widow. I don't want people I know to look at me and think 'she's a widow' or 'her husband died.' I hate being a widow. This is not how the fairy tale was supposed to end!

I hate looking at complete strangers and being mad that their husbands are alive. I hate looking at fat, out-of-shape men who can barely breathe and walk and think, 'why does he get to live?' Or better yet, what about the drunks, chain smokers and alcoholics who live to a ripe old age. Who wrote these damn rules anyway?

I don't want to hear about how your husband got a second chance. I don't care. I'm suffering and I'm a damn widow! Do you even think before you speak? I don't wish ill harm on anyone, but don't rub your good luck in my face!

I hate feeling sick when I see men playing with their kids. I watch them hold their hands as they walk, splash around in the pool as they swim, laugh and smile as they tell funny stories. My kids don't get that. It's not jealousy...it's pain. I'm happy for those who have a NORMAL life, but it makes me sad that we don't.

And last but not least, DO NOT FORCE YOUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS ON ME! I do NOT believe in God and there is nothing you can do about that...just like there's nothing I can do about being a widow.

I hate all this widow crap!

Copyright 2010 by Jennifer M. Karn