Whatever Weekend

While sitting at the dinner table with Kristie last night she says, "Everyone in this house is depressed except for Brad." I wanted to cry. She's right. Everyone is a mess and it pains me to see my kids suffering and I can't do anything for them. Nothing I do or say will take the pain away. As for Brad, he seems to be doing ok but I really have no idea what's going on in his head...or heart.

Each one of us has good days and bad days. We go in cycles of ups and downs. Some last a week or two. Others just hours or a day, or two. I can tell when they're having a rough time and I'm sure they can tell my rough bouts, too. I wonder how long this will last?

I took Friday off work because I was in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I needed a mental health day. I thought I was going to have a cry fest at work on Thursday. So, I shut down mentally and did whatever all weekend. Now it's Monday and I'm paying for it. Back comes the stress.

Just a few random thoughts from this weekend:

• I miss him terribly.
• I really need him here with me.
• We always shared all the work, now I'm struggling to get it all done by myself.
• Brad's graduating in 3 weeks. I have to walk him down the aisle alone.
• Does everyone think I'm ok because I laugh and smile sometimes?
• Do the employees at the vet's office remember him?
• Kevin would've loved to see Brad run a 5:18 mile!
• Kristie's having car troubles...
• Kellie's having car troubles...
• I was never cold at night, before.
• Why didn't I take more pictures?
• He isn't standing at the finish line waiting for me.

Nine years ago.

Copyright 2010 by Jennifer M. Karn